I was in two minds whether to post this here, but My message is simple. It is why I am here, the reason I like so many before me and so many after me find themselves learning to turn away from violence. Up until just a few years ago my life had been full of Violence and abuse. I had never had the courage to stand up against my violators. Monty commented in one of his training video's that horses were flight animals, I knew this. But what I learned was that after this statement he also said that Human Females were also flight animals. My whole life had been spent in flight, trying to run from violaters, but always being caught and forced to be something I was not in a place I did not want to be in.
I understand now what horses must feel like. I was abused as a child both physically and mentally, but I had a horse, she saved my life several times. Because she was dependent on me, and I wanted to protect her from the abuse I was receiving I never ran away.
The first time I saw Monty on a video showing the join-up, I felt such emotion, I was drawn to this quiet man, I do not know why but I felt at peace, as if knowing that he knew more about people and horses than anyone I have ever seen before. An understanding, communication without words. I am now studying the language of equus I would never wish violence on any living creature. Monty has touched me, not physically but mentally not on the surface but deep in my soul.
I can help both humans and horses with what I am learning. Please take a minute to read what I wrote this morning. It is a brief outline of how I took flight and finally joined-up for a life of non violence.
22 februari 2014 om 14:55
It is with awe and excitement that I await a new life, a foal will be born when the mother decides the time is right. As I await the miracle of a new life I reflect on My new life and how a simple act of kindness from someone I didn't know gave me something extra ordinary, something unexpected and something that has strengthened my confidence, that had over the years taken a very hard knock.
Yes I am a fighter, without going into details my whole life has been a fight but there comes a time when you stop fighting and begin to live. My new life began when when I turned my back on violence and hate, I turned away from a hard life and began a life of love and adventure with a new partner.
I wasn't rescued but was shown a path, this path if I took it was the way to freedom. It is strange how difficult it is to follow something unknown. For years all I had known was violence and hardship. Struggling had become normal, the feeling of unworthiness being useless was who I was. When you find yourself abused by someone you have come to rely on someone you loved and someone you saw as your partner and your protector, the giver of something that you had craved, that craving was the craving for security. I have always felt insecure, a problem from my childhood maybe.....
Having left a violent abusive man to deal with his own anger issues and hopefully find peace I ventured on a wonderful journey of learning. Being able to finally be myself to express my own wishes and to be able to take as well as to give. I had almost given up on some of My dreams, but they were still there lurking in the background. Dree had decided to spend his savings and the money he managed to salvage from his broken marriage, on a new beginning for both of us.
It was then that I realised that I was still searching for the dream that I thought I had lost. We were looking at properties and I dismissed those that didn't have the possibility of housing a horse. It was just a dream but to give it a push and maybe one day become real, I had to work on it. You don't just wake up and find a horse on your doorstep. But deep inside the dream was still there, to connect again with something that I had lost. You see for me horses were not just an animal, they had something else, yes they could sense that I had lost my way, that I had had lost confidence in humanity, but with a horse you are dealing with pure uncomplicated emotions. You do not have to prove anything, just be yourself and they will accept you. I was turning away from violence and abuse, taking small steps along a path that was totally new for me.
Our new house was old and needed some tender loving care. But we both decided it had potential, two years later the potential is still there, it is dry and warm the roof is good, but the rest needs bringing into to modern world. My kitchen is dated back to the 60's but it is functional. We had no money to by a horse, or to improve the house but we carried on regardless.
One day we were in the garden enjoying the spring weather, we had been talking about getting a dog, to give us the discipline of having something that depended on us. Our child...... Suddenly I looked up and saw a white Arabian mare, wauw she was beautiful. The rider had decided to come over and introduce herself and welcome us into the village. My german was not good, so I tried to communicate as best I could. But she immediately spoke English, with an accent that I recognized, she was from Yorkshire, but also she was from My part of Yorkshire. Small World.
Later that week she came for a coffee and a chat, told me not to give up on my dream get off my arse and get a horse. This lady put me in contact with someone that was selling some land in the village before it was advertised. She said you will need to act quickly as it will be snapped up. The land was visible from my living room, it was a 5 minute walk from my front door. The idea was there, we made an offer on the land but was sure that we wouldn't get it. People would be more likely to sell to a local than a newcomer.
But the horse we still hadn't totally decided to get a horse.
Quite by accident, we had been invited to a party in Belgium the same week that we had met the Lady from my home town, the same week we were thinking about buying some land. This is when a total stranger became a friend. This is when my faith in humanity was apparently taking a positive step forward.
When at a party where you do not know hardly anyone, just people you have been chatting to over the internet, you find yourself sitting quietly away from the crowd. Because we were not reasonably local we had been invited to stay for the weekend..by a total stranger. We were amazed at her hospitality and her kindness. This was a special Lady. Over the course of the evening, I couldn't help but mention her horses, and how I would love to see them. Oh she said we can take a look tomorrow morning after breakfast, the party was being held at her farmhouse. Then she said something totally unexpected, in fact she said I am looking for a home for one of them, if you connect with him you can have him.
Not totally understanding the last statement, I replied that I had no money to buy a horse at that time. Oh he is not expensive she said, he just has to like you, if you can get on with him then I give him to you. But he is not an easy horse. Everything was falling into place as if it was meant to happen.
Lotje was correct, he was not an easy horse, 75 percent Arab he was very nervous. He wasn't tame and had never been worked. But he was still a baby. This little stallion was just over 2 years old and his life was about to change, we would walk the path together. The connection was there from the first time we met. We both had to get over our fears of the unknown together. It was a slow path but worth the patience.
Hawky had grown up a social horse living in a herd, learning the natural behavior of being a horse. His communication skills because of this are very clear and open. I was offered a mare from the same herd as
I didn't want to alienate a horse, I believe that horses need other horses to remain healthy and happy. Also the new situation of moving house would be easier with another horse that he knew and respected.
Although the mare had arthritus and couldn't be ridden she was still capable of having another foal. The idea was to allow Hawky to become a dad before we gelded him. It was then that the bloodlines appeared and I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. These were top Horses from a long list of Athletes, these horses were also special in the fact that there was no way on this earth that if I would have to pay what these horses were worth, even selling my house wouldn't have given me enough.
I was privileged to become part of Mumzl's life, not only was she a good mare, but she was the alpha mare of the herd. Dominant, wise, quiet and strong. Mumzl helped with the training of Hawky, helped while we trained him to go into the horsebox. Taught him respect, taught him how to be a stallion. Both of these special horses made me realise that the path I was now on was the path to a new and exiting life.
So over on the 31st October 2012 my family grew. Hawky and Mumzl began to settle in to their new life.
That winter was long and hard, but it was also fun. It was on the 14th March 2013 in the snow that Mumzl allowed Hawky to mate with her. He had grown and had become a beautiful strong Stallion, the young colt that I had met was now becoming a Man.
It is now with excitement that I await the birth of a new life, a special gift from a special Lady... A dream come true. With trepidation I await the baby that is a mix of years of breeding. This foal is all of the best blood in two lines of sports horses. But to me it is a gift just like Hawky was a gift.
Maybe he will be the proud father of a son, to carry on the bloodline that is so special.
Horses with heart and soul....win their trust, gain their respect, they will follow you to end of the world and back, they will be a friend for life. Betray their trust with violence they would rather die than give in, so strong is their character. The only way to win their friendship is with patience and understanding. Their soul is unbreakable it will remain free.
This year Hawky will beome my riding horse, my partner, because of the violence in my previous life, I have decided to trust in the non violence, the natural way. With the help of Monty Roberts and his instructors Hawky will learn and grow through respect. He will never know a whip or spurs, he will just know the softness of humanity and willingly out of choice become a partner and friend.
Thank you Mr Roberts as a flight animal I understand what you are communicating.
Oh yes the dog...... We got one free with the Stallion.
This is when a total stranger suddenly changes your life, by a simple act of kindness. Thank you Lotje for trusting me with Hawky and Mumzl.
Thank you Mr Roberts for sharing your wonderful gift. You have restored my faith in human nature.
You are both Unique just like your Horses. And changed my Life in more ways than you will ever know.