Hi Laura,
Here we meet again! The best answer I can give you is: please watch the lessons on the Dually Halter, there are quite a lot of them. If you want to invest in your own learning and that of your friend's horses, why not take the size of their heads and buy a Dually Halter, that fits properly. This wonderful tool can help you to create cooperation within your horse, not dominance, but a willing partner. What all herd animals are looking for is a leader, in the herd that is the lead mare, who knows where water can be found, and also shows what behavior is acceptable within the herd. Never will she think of her own profit, but of the well of the herd. Someone needs to lead the way, the others respect her. Trust and respect is what keeps the herd together, strength in numbers against whatever threads come from the world outside this safe group.
You want to know if you need to fear the animals you love....
Respect them, their nature of flight animals, their search for a leader, their deeply forgiving beings. They are much bigger than we are, of course they could hurt us, if they feel unsafe, but if you learn like you described in your story of catching your pony in the pasture, always safety first, you'll find that you'll be able to keep your own adrenalin low.
If we fear, we produce adrenalin to help us to fight or flight. Horses synchronize to other living being, so also to your fear response.
Let us know how you're doing!
Have fun, but more important: let the horses have fun!
Miriam

Hi Miriam,

Thank you so much for your answer. I have already bought a Dually Halter and it should be delivered in a couple of days. I have watched a good deal of videos about it and I am looking forward to use it.

I have never feared horses for I respect them and always question myself. I got bit by a horse once, but never have I thought "What a mean horse !", my first reaction was "What have I done wrong ?". 

If I didn't know what to answer to the person telling me that I should show dominance to be respected, it is because it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand the link between respect and violence. I never have.

But as a beginner taking riding lessons, I am surrounded by people considering the riding crop as the answer to every problem. To me, it is the origin of every problem. But those people are the teachers and I am the pupil, and they a so assured that it is not easy to discuss their methods. And saying "I just know in my heart that you are SO wrong" won't do it.

So thank you Miriam for your detailed answer, full of good arguments I will be using in the future. 

I am really proud to have joined this amazing community, I am looking forward to learn more and share my experience with you all.

Laura.

Hi Laura. I think I know what your friend is concerned about. Horses learn very quickly & if they are not handled in a confident, proper way they quickly fall into unwanted habits. There is no place for physical or psychological violence BUT inappropriate behaviours MUST have consequences or both horse & human safety can be compromised. The Dually head collar is a wonderful tool to show the horse that you're in charge. Schooling doesn't need to be heavy handed but it MUST be really quick - instant. However, the most common mistake is to not allow the freedom of the horse to make mistakes & not releasing the pressure, quickly. Study the Dually lessons over & over before you use this tool on a horse. Have you also ordered long lines? These are really important as they allow you the space you need but you need to practice with them too as they can get tangled & cause an accident if not properly handled. Please, I'm not trying to put you off, quite the contrary. Be prepared. Hone your skills before using this equipment in a live situation. The horses will be most appreciative of your efforts but always safety first, for them & you. Cheers Jo.

Hi Laura and welcome to the Uni forum.  You have reached the first level of training horses with your honesty and authenticity.  I would strongly suggest that you never waiver from those two positions.  The reason that I say that is because you will find that it  will build confidence in every thing that happens with horses down the line.  What I am talking about here is the perception that your horse have when they view you, the human that has come into its space .  Your confidence, weather or not you are aware of it, is shared immediately when you enter a horse`space.  Where that confidence goes from there is up to YOU AND YOUR BAG OF TOOLS  [learning].

Horses are always search for leaders and will almost ALWAYS  follow if the leadership is strong.  The suggestions and approaches that Jo and Miriam talk about are like finding GOLD NUGGETS on your road to learning.  They jump you ahead on your quest for knowledge.  My only regret is that I didn`t have them to help me along when I started out with horses many years ago.

Also, I might mention that you could feel some distancing of the other horse people in the barn with Monty`s approach to training.  My advice would be to stay strong and arm yourself with knowledge and technique from all of the videos and exchanges of commentary on this forum.  In a year`s time, you will not recognize your self and some of the other folks will probably be asking you questions about where in the world did you learn all of this stuff.

This road to learning is a journey filled with highs and lows, but it is GOOD work and I think the most important decision of my lifetime.

Please keep us all posted with your progress, and once again WELCOME

Bud

Hi Laura

You have a great philosophy and attitude to horsemanship. Keep your courage and your nerve and never let anyone make you doubt your belief in non-violence.

In response to your question "What should I answer?" I would say, Yes, the horses need leadership. Leadership is exactly that LEADERship i.e. someone that others (human or animal) follow willingly because they believe you know what you are doing and you will never ask any more of them than they are able to give. It does not come through fear or coercion but they need to follow the leader willingly and without fear. We have no right to make any other human or animal feel fear or pain by our actions but we do have the right and duty to demonstrate that we can be trusted to guide the horse to making the right and respectful choices that make the concept of "dominance" (by them or us) redundant.

My philosophy is that dominated horses will do what we want but no more and they will be relieved when we go away and anxious when we return. Partnered horses will do what we ask and then say "what else?". They are pleased to see us next time we appear. 


Good luck.